Helping remarried couples create a solid marriage & develop a successful stepfamily has been one of my specialties for more than 20 years.

Parenting is never easy. But when you have a family with biological kids, stepkids, your spouse’s ex, your ex—and other extended family members thrown into the mix—things can get very complicated very quickly. 

How Can Stepfamilies Succeed?

Blending into a new family unit is not a simple process. Studies show that it generally takes from 2 to 5 years for a blended family to transition successfully. Statistically, 66% of remarriages which include children from a previous marriage will end in divorce. Difficulties in integrating all the step relationships is the prime factor.

Instant love and bonding doesn’t usually happen, which can be disappointing when the newly remarried couple is ready for everyone to connect and share their newfound happiness.

Before trying to blend a family through marriage or living together, many people find it helpful to learn the unique ways to navigate this territory, avoid hazards, and facilitate a smoother transition. Others wait until they hit unexpected bumps in the process to seek outside help.

Family Therapy for Blended Families

When family members accept that the new family will not be the same as the previous family, learn to respect each other, and give new relationships time to form gradually, they more often are able to ultimately succeed as a cohesive family.

Family therapy is an effective way for a blended family to work through the issues that each member brings to the new family in a respectful manner, avoiding the build-up of tension and resentments.

Parents face the challenge of sorting out their new roles and setting boundaries with regard to parenting, discipline, financial obligations, transitions between households and how family time is spent.

They also need to learn how to best reassure their children that they will answer questions and discuss feelings the children might have about the family changes since the remarriage. Children need to gain confidence about their parent's continued love for them and help to ease the tension in forming a relationship with their stepparent.

Parents can also learn ways to maintain a healthy relationship with their own children while building a solid, loving bond with their spouse and stepchildren.

Typically, the initial family therapy meeting would be with the couple alone first to get a clear picture of the remarriage and the complexities of the entire system. Then, if appropriate, other family members would meet as a whole group or in various combinations depending on the pertinent issues.